Killing the Conscious Effort in 30-days

(Girly) Growing pains

When I was young, I thought life ends when I hit 20. I'd be ancient years old and there will be nothing to look forward to anymore except going through the motions of life and then die...

Boy was I wrong. Life started when I hit 20 because that's when I started chasing my childhood dreams of living a life of adventure. But beyond that, what I did not expect was as a young lady, to feel more and more comfortable with the way I look and who I am.

I remember an age (tweens) when I hated mirrors and as I walked through shopping malls I tried my best to avoid looking at mirrors because I did not like what it reflected (and of course wonder why all my friends are so beautiful and I'm not). I grew out of that soon enough and joined the league of girls learning how to dress up, wear make up and be what girls should be.

Unfortunately, girls are lead to believe that 'what girls should be' is to always to be something else than what they are. Your legs are never long enough, your hips are never small enough and of course the classic, you are never skinny enough.

Image from here

Like I said, I've pretty much accepted myself as I am, muffin top and all at times. But that is a very conscious effort to try to be happy with myself. That conscious effort is especially exercised using meal times.

"Can I eat that? Yes I can, c'mon, I live an active life - I can eat that cheesecake without hating myself. Yes, I am happy with the way I am and thus can eat a cheesecake because I balance my life with working out." says Conscious Effort at work.

I wished that Conscious Effort didn't have to work so hard, but generally my self-esteem is still in check with a simple goal of not putting on any more pounds (because the world is kinder to skinnier girls).

While I battle out my Conscious Effort within my mind, around me I witness many young women close to me develop eating disorders.

There's the one that eats when she's stressed and is now getting bigger and bigger. She wants to go back to the way she was, but can't manage her stress and finds comfort and love in food...

There's the one that wants to lose weight but has no motivation nor self-determination. She spends every meal hating herself for eating and being fat.

There's the one that is convinced she's fat and pretty much stopped eating. She's 23 and has starved herself to a 13 year old's body. And she still thinks she's fat.

Chance are, you know someone (if not all three) like the above.

Guilt-free eating

What I realized midway through Paleo is that Conscious Effort is not being used at all. I eat all the fruits, nuts and vegetables I want and not feel guilty about 'eating wrong' (if you feel guilty about eating fruits, nuts and veggies, seriously, it's time to get professional help).

Since Conscious Effort is mute, I've been feeling an immense relieve and liberation.

Instead of justifying why I can eat these "bad fatty food" every day - I am more preoccupied with figuring out how to plan my meal in order to optimize my workouts. This re-aligns my goals from "living a balanced life and not packing on the pounds" to "which nuts and fruits should I have for lunch to be able to nail that workout?"

FTW - For the win

Going Paleo these past few weeks has helped me realize that there is an easier way than battling my Conscious Effort during every meal - which is to just choose to eat healthy and focus on what I want to achieve in my workouts.

Now isn't that swell...